silly

Sister asked me, "What do you actually expect of a significant other?"

She finds me demanding, and unrelenting in my expectations, I think.

To that one, whoever they turn out to be, when I have settled into lakes and oceans,

and my surfaces are cut and smoothed and soldered and ground and glass-slick:

I am exactly asking you to want to love me as hard as you can until the last second you have on this Earth.

I am looking only for love that can be recycled, rekindled, reset, revived, as often as need be

For a durable devotion.

A candle quiet devotion

Give me the weight of hand anchored on my nape close to my face, lips beautiful from midnight begging

This love will keep me. Will bring me to my knees only to wash you

as I’ve been washed

Devotion: It’s not silly to fear it will never come.

An eggshell dream,

only membrane and the hope of being unbreakable.

Oh, but God...I am silly.

The dedication of it all…

if tragedy is the only Bridge to Dedication,

i suppose I'll let it go.

i want love with prerequisites that are not painful to fulfill.

like-

-the 7 pounds moment.

Ice and jellyfish gently knocking against one another all hoping that this moment will bring life to a future love

The man did not live to see his love.

but his loved lived.

and i saw the way his love did not die with him, but-

I'll take a life with my love.

in fact, i demand a life that goes this way.

that's what i expect.

a long life. a long life. hearts that beat.

enough energy to pull oxygen into furious lungs and argue with salt and acid under the tongue-

i am only a human, one of billions, stubbornly marching towards love.

(Written May 11, 2020)